Sometimes I wonder how can a writer get bored. But for me its pretty easy. I have a terrible habit of moving from one project to another or if it seems there are too many things to do I just skip it all and clean. Yep clean my house, any excuse to get away from what I should be doing and that is writing.
I’ve been doing alot of deep down searching as to why I do this, fear being the biggest reason. The fear of yes finally selling a manuscript and becoming published. Fear of it only being a one time thing, goodness hope not. I want this to be my retirement carreer. Get myself established now while I’m still working so that when I do retire I still have a decent income. I don’t want to just be living on SSI since we all know that that is not “Living”, its just existing. Fear of not living up to my expectations as a writer. I think I write pretty well but then I’m biased. My Mom thinks I write pretty well too, but then she’s also biased. Fear that I’ll let down everyone I know, why this is I’m not sure since no one holds a vested interest in my writing except me.
One of the other conclusions I’ve reached, I think I just may be one of those adults with Attention Deficient Disorder. This would explain my not being able to stay on task like I should, like I want. I sit here and wonder how alot of writers can write so many books a year, anywhere from 3-15 or more and it all comes down to focus. Focus, something I realize I don’t have or I don’t have enough of. Oh sure some would say just sit and do it, but when you have ADD as well as other things, I also have Fibromyalgia and that presents whole nother problem, but the ADD figures in with the Fibro and tends to make Fibro Fog even worse.
Like for me right now typing this blog post is actually a test of patients for myself and it feels like a bit of torture as well. I want to get up and move and do anything but sit here and type but I’m forcing myself to do it. Its damn hard too. Restlessness can be one of the symptoms of Fibro as well, whether its restless leg syndrom or just can’t sit still and for me right at this moment that’s my problem. So today I made an appoointment with my Osteopathic Doctor for tomarrow for my yearly touch base, “this is how I’ve been”, appointment but I plan to also bring up this ADD thing, and see about maybe some meds for it. Then maybe I could get some writing projects finished. I have 4 projects going right now and I have several down on paper for doing in the futrue. I must say I am never lacking for ideas of stories, just the focus to sit and get them out on paper as it were.
Maybe some would say I need to add the H in ADD and make it ADHD but really I’m not hyperactive per se, just restless and in my mind those are two different things. I seem to remember teacher’s writing on my report cards the phrase, “lacks focus”, quite often. I guess this has maybe been an on going thing and just never really paid it any attention till now when I’m wanting to get projects done. So after tomorrow we’ll see how this plays out. I’m hoping to get a lot more focused in the future.
Juls Berghammer 